Andy D’Addario, LPC

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How to Heal After a Loss

Experiencing the death of a loved one is the hardest thing we can go through in this life. What can make grieving even more challenging is the feeling that we’re somehow doing it wrong.

But grieving is a unique experience and there is truly no “right” way to do it. Author Anne Morrow Lindberg put it best when she said, “… suffering … no matter how multiplied, is always individual.”

While there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a loved one, there are some guidelines that will help you heal.

You Will Survive the Loss

The pain of a loved one’s death is so great that we often feel it may cause our own death. But it’s important to remember that emotions, no matter how big, cannot harm you.

In fact, not feeling emotions and bottling them up can often make the situation, and sometimes our health, much worse. Avoiding the pain of loss tends to stunt our grieving and we end up taking our pain with us into our future.

Understand the Ebb and Flow of Grief

Grieving is a process with no stillness. There is always movement; an ebb and flow to our grief. After a few weeks, you may have a day when you feel like you can finally catch your breath; where you notice how pretty a sunny day is, and when you dog can make you laugh again. And then the very next day, you feel that old, familiar darkness and despair slide under your skin.

This is natural, and it’s important for you to pay attention to these rhythms of grief. The more you become aware of the ebb and flow of your personal journey, the more you’ll believe that someday there will be more good days than bad.

Practice Self Care

It’s important during this time that you care for yourself as you would a dear friend. Make sure that you get enough rest and try and eat well, even when eating seems like the last thing you want to do. Keeping up your strength is important during this time.

Try and get fresh air and move your body. This will help alleviate the stress and tension you have been feeling. And above all, be kind to yourself mentally and emotionally. Don’t chide yourself for crying in the bathroom on your lunch break. You would never do that to a dear friend, would you? Just let yourself feel your feelings when they come and be gentle with yourself.

Get Support

The people who love you will want to help you during the weeks and months that follow the loss. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help and support. If you need someone to watch the baby so you can go out for a much-needed run, ask. If your spouse was always the one to handle repairs around the house, ask a family member to come over and help.

It’s also a good idea to seek the guidance of a therapist who can help you work through your emotions and develop coping skills.

If you or a loved one is reeling from a personal loss and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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3 Ways to Minimize Seasonal Depression

Seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD for short, is a form of depression that typically impacts people during the winter months, when exposure to sunlight and temperature changes naturally occur.

Research indicates that about six percent of the American population, primarily those people living in northern states, suffers from SAD. It is also believed that one in ten Americans experience subsyndromal SAD, a milder form of seasonal depression, also called the “winter blues.” And, though the disorder can affect both men and women, it is more common among women.

Symptoms of seasonal depression include:

  • Inability to focus or concentrate
  • Increased weight gain
  • Lethargy
  • Increased appetite
  • Social withdrawal
  • moodiness

Though some people confuse SAD as simply moodiness, it is a real form of depression that is dependent on an individual’s hormonal state, as well as seasonal characteristics like exposure to light and temperature.

If you or a loved one are affected by seasonal depression, here are three ways you can reduce the symptoms that impact the quality of life.

Get Outside

While the temperatures outside may be a bit harsher than you’d like, it’s still a great idea to bundle up and get some sunshine, as much as you can. Our bodies need sunlight to boost our levels of vitamin D. Among other things, a vitamin D deficiency has been linked to mood swings, headaches and fatigue.

Exercise is also one of the best ways to release the feel-good hormone, serotonin. But it is much better to walk for a half hour outside in the sunlight than to get on the treadmill inside. So, if you can bare the chill in the air, head outside and get that body moving.

Use a SAD Light

Of course, there will be those days when the sun refuses to show its face and the weather is too severe to spend much, if any, time outside. The use of a SAD light can help reduce the symptoms of seasonal depression.

SAD lights are also called light therapy boxes, and the light they produce mimics natural outdoor light. Light therapy is believed to affect brain chemicals linked to mood and sleep, like serotonin and melatonin, easing SAD symptoms.

Eat More Produce

Feelings of anxiety are common among those suffering with seasonal depression, but according to Dr. Uma Naidoo of Harvard Medical School, relief may be found at the end of your fork. Fruits and vegetables are rich sources of essential nutrients like magnesium and zinc that ease anxiety and make people feel calmer. While you may be tempted to eat starchy comfort foods like bread and pasta, your best bet is to load up on as many whole foods as you can, with an emphasis on organic produce.


While the cold weather is likely to have most of us dreaming about spring, winter doesn’t have to be an emotional trial. By following these tips you may be able to lesson your SAD symptoms and get through winter unscathed.

If you or a loved one is currently feeling overwhelmed by SAD symptoms, and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

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How to Create an Authentic Life

If creating an authentic life were easy, everyone would be doing it. Sadly, life has a way of pushing us off track, having us focus on extrinsic motivations as opposed to our intrinsic desires and dreams. Why does this happen?

When we’re young, no one really tells us the importance of living authentically. We’re told other things are important, like getting good grades, making the varsity team, going to the right college and getting the right degree. We make choices based on what others think we should do rather than on what we think we should do.

Then one day we find ourselves in unfulfilling jobs and relationships, wondering about the point of our lives. If you can relate, read on to find out how you can create an authentic life and begin living it today.

Forgive and Let Go

Releasing yourself and loved ones from any past wounds is an important step in living a more authentic life. Holding onto anger or sadness will only be a burden. It’s incredibly important you release all resentment before carving out your new reality. Equally important is forgiving yourself of any mistakes you’ve made in the past. Leave them there and move on.

Have a Clear Vision

You know what hasn’t worked for you in the past, but do you have a clear idea of what it is you really want? Who do you want to be? How do you want to act? Or look? Is your job fulfilling? If not, what job or career would suit you better? What kind of people do you want to be surrounded with in this new life?

You have to really imagine your authentic life. Have fun dreaming about it and creating it in your mind. Visualize as many aspects of it as you can and really feel how it would feel if you lived here. This will not only help you make the right choices but propel you when you find making changes to be difficult.

Challenge Your Beliefs

To be clear, I’m not talking about belief in God or country, or whether little green men do in fact inhabit other planets; I’m talking about beliefs about yourself, your abilities, and your worth.

Since your old life was created based on the old beliefs you held, it makes sense that you would want to challenge some of these. Keeping the same old beliefs will hold you back and keep you stuck.

Begin to study your beliefs and hold them up to scrutiny. Try poking holes in them and see them for what they are. Maybe you’ve never thought you were good enough at painting, a hobby you’ve always wanted to take up. Ask yourself WHY you believe this. Did this belief truly come from you, or your third-grade art teacher who challenged your blue cat and orange elephant drawings?

Take some time to go through each of your beliefs about yourself to understand where they came from and determine if they are serving your life’s best interests.

Seek Guidance

Putting your life back together is no small project and there may be times you feel frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed. While friends and family members may give you a shoulder to cry on, they can’t necessarily give you professional advice. A therapist, on the other hand, will not only listen to you, but offer practical tools that will help you cope with your emotions and leverage them to build the life you’ve been dreaming of.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help you create an authentic life.

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3 Tips to Get You on the Right Side of Calm

They say you can wake up on the wrong side of the bed. But many days it feels like you woke up on the wrong side of calm. And who can blame you? Life seems to have gotten more complicated, stressful and chaotic – even in small towns near our office, like Dorr – making it more difficult to feel peaceful and calm.

But there are things you can do each day to get yourself on the right side of calm. Here are 3 of them:

1. Breathe Deeply

Many people are shallow breathers, meaning they take small, short breaths. But did you know shallow breathing is actually part of the “fight or flight” response?  It’s an evolutionary adaptation designed to keep us safe from danger, like that angry sabretooth tiger chasing us. When faced with danger, our heartbeat speeds up and we breathe faster in order to get more oxygen for fighting or fleeing.

Our bodies don’t recognize real danger (that tiger) from modern day danger (that stack of bills). And so we spend most days breathing like our life depends on it.

One of the quickest ways to calm yourself is to slow down your breathing. Many people scoff at the idea that breathing deeply and slowly will do much of anything. Those that try it know deep breaths have an incredible calming affect.

2. Get Familiar with Your Acupressure Points

There are key acupressure points located on your hands, face, and head. These points are near bundles of nerves that, when massaged or tapped, can help relax your entire nervous system.  This is why we instinctively rub our forehead and temples when we’re feeling stressed. You can subtly apply pressure to the meaty part of the hand between the thumb and forefinger when in a stressful meeting, at the airport, or any public setting when you need to calm down but don’t want to call much attention to yourself.

3. Focus on the Positive Things in Your Life

Every night before you fall asleep, think about three things that happened that day you are grateful for. They can be small, like that parking spot in front of the always-busy post office you got this morning, or big, like your son’s ankle was sprained not broken.

Feeling happy and grateful will naturally calm you down and give you a different perspective on things. And, doing this exercise night after night will train your brain to be more positive.

Have you tried these tips in the past but are still dealing with persistent anxiety and worry? Therapy can help you uncover the root cause of your anxiety and provide tools for coping.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

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122 W Superior St
Wayland, MI 49348

(616) 490-7766
andydaddario@gmail.com