It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world; simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes out of their control.

For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to find ways to talk to your teen, or to get them to talk to you. Although it’s difficult, it’s not impossible; read on to find five ways to get your teenager to talk to you.

Learn to Listen

Take the time to listen to your teenager when they want to talk. Instead of saying you’ll talk to them later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen. Kids have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions. Put yourself in your teen’s shoes; think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you the way you respond to them.

Watch for Signs

Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you. They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.

Ask Specific Questions

Ask your teen specific questions rather than general “how was your day?” questions. Ask questions about a friend you know by name. Ask about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like. Ask open ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?”, or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”

Location, Location, Location

When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to kids is after school. Just like you do after work, they need wind-down time. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual, and there’s no pressure for eye contact. The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the back seat); they feel more comfortable because you’re not looking at them.

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your teenager and need some help and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.

When children become old enough to start school, they have already developed some kind of language ability. The degree to which kids use and understand language is important and has an enormous impact on their entire educational career.

How Do Young Children Develop Language Skills?

There is a growing body of evidence that points to a strong parental influence on early language development. How many words a child hears as an infant and toddler is an important factor is language development.

But beyond the number of words a toddler hears, how those words are spoken matters as well. According to a study published in Cognitive Psychology, talking “baby talk” to your child may not be the best strategy to get them to adopt language.

It’s common for parents to use “cutesy” language when speaking with their child. They may say, “Do you have to go potty?” instead of “Do you have to go to the bathroom?” or “Do you want some wa-wa?” instead of “Do you want some water?” While it may seem harmless to speak this kind of language, experts are now suggesting it may actually slow down language development in young children.

The Case for Complex Speech

Janellen Huttenlocher, Ph.D. and head of the developmental psychology program at the University of Chicago, observed 305 local children in 40 preschool classrooms. She found that students whose teachers used complex speech – those are sentences that include multiple nouns, verbs, or clauses – had higher language-comprehension skills.

Other researchers have reached the same conclusion. Research teams in Japan and Paris published findings from similar studies that looked at how parents and mothers speak influences language development. What they found is that parents tend to use language as a way to engage children and show emotion. But this tends to make the language in and of itself unclear.

While more studies will likely need to be done, what’s clear is that sing-song-y baby-talk is not very clear for your child, often containing too many syllables. It is this difference in clarity that seems to help boost or detriment language retention.

If you are a parent of a toddler or young child, you may want to do some more research on your own to determine if you want to use baby-talk with them. In the meantime, engage with your child as often as possible and be as clear as you can when you’re speaking with them.

Bullying has become a national epidemic. According to recent data, between 1/4 and 1/3 of school children say they have been bullied. And, according to surveys, roughly 30% of young people admit to bullying others.

While much research has gone into how we can prevent bullying, and many programs have been implemented and tested in schools, the results have been modest at best. These results leave many wondering if prevention must start at home.

Home Life Plays a Large Role in Creating Bullies

Research suggests that family life can increase the risk of someone becoming a bully. Certain home-life characteristics are more commonly found in youths who bully others compared to those who don’t. The following trends can serve as warning signs that trouble may lie ahead:

– Harsh discipline (shaming, insulting, physical threat or harm)
– Lack of warmth or tenderness between parent and child
– Excessive teasing from siblings
– Domestic violence between other family members
– Drug and alcohol abuse
– Prejudice or hatred against others shown by parents or other family members
– Emotional neglect
– Excessive pressure to meet expectations or perform well in the world

The hopeful news is that research has shown that intervening to prevent or end these risk factors in the home can greatly reduce bullying and other youth violence.

Communication

If another parent or teacher has told you your child is being a bully, the very first thing to do is sit down and talk with your child. Don’t scold them right off the bat, but rather tell your child you would like to hear their side of the story.

Depending on how old your child is, he or she may open up and admit to the bullying and also offer an explanation, such as they want to fit in and be liked. Many children with low self-esteem bully to feel empowered and noticed.

Some children may not be able to express their thoughts or feelings easily. This is particularly true of younger children who may be struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues. If you find you are having trouble communicating with your child, consider seeking the guidance of a child psychologist who has experience evaluating behavior.

Remain Vigilant

If your child is a bully, changing their behavior won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight. But remaining vigilant is important.

Continue to build an open channel of communication with your child. This will help you recognize signs of trouble. Check-in with them daily and ask about their day – what they have planned, something that happened that they enjoyed, and something that happened that they didn’t enjoy.

Laying this foundation of communication is vital. Once kids know they are expected to share details of their lives on a regular basis, they become more comfortable opening up even into adolescence.

If you or someone you know is the parent of a bully and would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I might be able to help.