andydaddario@gmail.com
(616) 490-7766

Andy D’Addario, LPC

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January 31, 2021 by Andy D'Addario

How to Say “No” to Feeders

“What are you going to do, eat nothing but salads for the rest of your life?”

“You’ve got to eat more than that!”

“One slice isn’t going to kill you.”

People mean well, but many just don’t understand how unhelpful it is to try and get you to eat unhealthy foods when you are trying to eat well. These people are called “feeders” or “food pushers.” They can be your mom, your aunt, coworker, or best friend.

The problem with feeders is, even if they aren’t intentionally trying to sabotage your health journey, the pressure they put on you can cause you to cave and make poor food choices. After all, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and, well… maybe they’re right. Maybe one slice of cake isn’t that big of a deal.

See how easily that happens?

So how do you say NO to feeders?

Be Honest

Tell your loved ones about your weight-loss goals and that you are 100% committed. Assure them that if and when you say NO to them, it is not to offend them. But you must be the one who is in control of what you eat, and they must respect that.

Stall

Even though you have asked everyone to leave you be, there will still be those stubborn people (we’re talking to you mothers) that think they know best. No matter what you say, they will not leave you alone. So how do you deal with them?

Well, you use some strategic stall tactics. As an example, when dessert starts coming out of the kitchen, you simply say you are stuffed right now, maybe later. If they still won’t let up, say you’ll take your dessert home, then give it to someone else.

Practice Being Assertive

Sadly, there may be those people in your circle of friends or family that really ARE trying to sabotage your weight-loss efforts. It may be they are threatened by you losing weight because of their own weight issues.

You are going to have to practice being assertive, which is not the same thing as being aggressive. Get into the habit of saying no and MEANING it. The good news is, the more you say it, the easier it gets!

Losing weight is often challenging. But sometimes we don’t recognize where the biggest challenges will come from. If you find yourself surrounded by feeders, use these tips to manage as best you can.

 

SOURCES:

  • https://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/how-say-no-food-pushers#1
  • https://www.verywellfit.com/how-to-say-no-to-food-pushers-3495964
  • http://www.eatingwell.com/article/104641/how-to-say-no-to-food-pushers/

Filed Under: Nutrition, Women's Issues

February 29, 2020 by Andy D'Addario

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.

If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:

Identify Your Limits

You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.

Don’t Be Shy

People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.

You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.

If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.

Make Self-Care a Priority

Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.

Speak with Someone

If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.

If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.

Filed Under: Women's Issues

Andy D’Addario



(616) 490-7766
andydaddario@gmail.com

122 W Superior St
Wayland, MI 49348



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